Feelings/emotions are just vibrations in our body. They are different from sensations. Sensations start in our bodies (getting a sliver in your foot, touching a hot stove, pain in the abdomen caused by food poisoning, or a breeze on our cheek). The sensation from our nerves travels to our heads (signaling our brains that something is happening in our body). A Feeling or emotion starts in our heads (with a Thought) then travels to our body. Some examples could be: I have the Thought, “oh no, I think he hates me” feels sad. Then my brain sends to my body the emotion/vibration of sadness. The Thought, “my house is in chaos (and it shouldn’t be)” could Feel frustrating, which my brain sends to my body in the form of frustration vibrations. I Feel happy when I think the thought, “this day is so awesome!” I have that Thought, then my brain sends the good vibrations to my body.

Our brains were wired to react to sensations and Feelings in the same way: This hurts, I might die, so we should freeze up or fight or run away. So much of what we’ve been taught tells us that negative Feelings are a problem, and that we shouldn’t have them, something has gone wrong, or something is wrong with us for Feeling negative emotion. Therefore, says society, we should avoid it with drugs alcohol sex shopping and food, or resist it and act like the Feeling isn’t there, or act out on our Feeling (yell, hit, even buy something to fix it). 

The truth is that Feelings are part of the human experience. We’ve been given bodies that can handle all emotion. (When we resist emotions, problems arise, such as disease from stress). But our bodies are made to handle all emotion. We are even supposed to Feel all our Feelings! 

A helpful approach to negative emotions is the practice of Processing them. Allow the emotion to come, don’t resist or avoid or act out on them. Allow the Feeling to come into your body. Get out of your head and Thoughts so you can watch the Feeling and notice it. 

Say, “I am processing (this) Feeling.”

Don’t try to fix it or get rid of it.

Start to describe the Feeling. What does it look like? What color or texture or shape is it? Is it fast or slow? Hard or soft or sharp? As you try to “see” it, many times it starts to dissipate and dissolve. Sometimes it comes back in waves. Just repeat the process every time a new wave breaks on your body.

Allow the uncomfortable vibration to be there in your body as you continue to live and go about your day. Notice the heaviness, hurt, and humming of the vibration. Notice its ability to restrict your breath, and tighten some part of your body.

Tell yourself, “this is a vibration, and my body was made to handle it.” 

Notice any desire to react, resist, or avoid it. Say the desire out loud. Write it down. Don’t act on it, just acknowledge it and breathe. Assure yourself that “this desire or urge won’t help.”

“It’s not worth it.”

Every time you notice a desire or urge pop up, tell yourself again that “this desire won’t help me.”

“That urge is not worth it.” 

As you do this, you will begin to see the Thought about your situation, your Circumstance more clearly. It may take time. Let it take time. Let it take as long as it takes, don’t try to force it. What’s the rush? Negative Feelings are part of mortality. Keep noticing what you notice. Thoughts begin to appear, so write them down. Don’t try to change or edit or judge your Thoughts. Just get them out on paper. They are not You. 

Some Thoughts seem innocent but they may be very painful. Thinking “I deserve better than this.” Or “this shouldn’t be happening to me, or now, or to my child,” might actually be the cause of the discomfort or pain. Check in your body what those Thoughts cause you to Feel. Try on the Thoughts one at a time to check out how they Feel.

Notice your Thoughts.

Notice your Feelings.